My halloween 2009

Here is your late halloween blog! :) Now that I've been in SF for a while, I sometimes forget that other places don't celebrate it as much as here. Here, everyone gets dressed up! This year, I was the orbit gum girl and the roomies (one pictured here) were 70s gym teacher and student. I know, random. Actually, no one really knew what I was, because I kept putting the gum in my pocket, rather than holding it out, so I guess I ended up looking like girl who wears white. Lol. My first halloweeny type thing I did this year was a few weeks in advance, I went on an urban hayride. Coming from new england, I forget that not everyone even knows what a hayride is..but a lot of people in CA don't. So usually, you ride around in a horse or tractor drawn hay-filled wagon, through some fields, which may or may not be haunted. In our case, we rode around in a SF motorized old trolley car with hay in it, and we stopped at several bars as well as taking a ride through the golden gate park. No spooks on this ride, although being in a trolley full of drunk girls can be scary enough! I had fun though, something different, although I probably wouldn’t do it again. Unless it were less urban. A couple of weeks later, I got to debut my costume by going to the Queens are wild casino event. This was a benefit for the Stop AIDS foundation, and people walked around playing blackjack and other betting type things with fake money. I actually ended up being an assistant blackjack dealer to my friend and roomie, tristan jaxx. Of course, neither of us knew anything about the game, so the people playing had to teach us as we went along, but they were super nice whenever we messed up. It was fun! Something I never thought I'd be doing… A week later, it was halloween. I put back on my costume, and grabbed my friend, and grabbed another friend antonio and we went to his friend's private party which was True Blood themed. I don’t watch that show so I felt at a slight disadvantage… I don’t think the perry twins dj'd their best, but the place was beautifully decorated and I had a good time. As long as you have friends around, that's all that matters. So that was my halloween. I think that next year, I'll try and be something a little bit more common.. Im bad at thinking of costumes so maybe I ought to begin now! For another blog on some of these halloween events, read my friend's blog here.

Flourless Chocolate Cake Birthday Cake Recipie

Last night I baked a birthday cake for my roomie (and slash one of my best friends). He had been wanting a flourless chocolate cake, but circumstances last year precluded it. This year, I found a good flourless chocolate cake recipie on allrecipies.com, and made it for him while he was out to dinner with his parents. I put the candles in too early, and they melted (they were cheap candles anyway…don't buy convenience store candles!!), so I snatched them out and put them back in again when he arrived, and great timing, the cake was just cooled enough. It came out super rich - you can only eat a little! Serve it with ice cream (we used pepermint bark ice cream). One note, for the recipie, I used semisweet chocolate chips instead of squares, skipped the double boiler since we didn’t have any (just add butter first and keep on top of it so the chocolate doesn't burn) and a 9" springform pan. The recipie notes say that the 30 min is too short for the original 8" pan, but the 9" it was perfect. If you want to try a non traditional cake, try this one!  Both the roomies loved it (though i prefer a flour-more chocolate cake, myself).

why do people think that women posing for playboy, maxim, etc, are being exploited for men's pleasure?

I read a random blog article today about some reality show girl, from dancing with the stars, posing for playboy. I don’t watch dancing with the stars and I have no idea who that girl is, but the sentiment expressed in the blog echoed what I've heard and read many times, and it made me curious to know…why do people think that women posing for playboy, maxim, etc, are being exploited for men's pleasure? I'm sure there are many women who are exploited for men. Women who have little money, or nowhere else to go, or a billion other situations. But women who pose for magazines such as these are not being pressured into it. So many, like this woman, are actually already famous for some other thing, and there is no way anyone could say that they were coherced into posing this way, or that they needed the money, or any such thing. She knows what she was being asked to do, she enjoyed doing it, and she got money, nice photos, and attention out of it, which was what she wanted in the first place. So, zero exploitation. And really, it's not only men that look at these things. I like hot photos of women (although I don’t buy these magazines) and surely I cant be the ONLY female ever who does. So, here are photos that men and women worked together to make, to be enjoyed by men and women, to the benefit of the woman in the photo, who is celebrating her own sexuality. Seems like an all around good thing to me. Now, these are just photos, not even videos… but I won't get started defending the porn industry right now, leave that for another time. Thoughts on an answer would be appreciated…I like to see other people's point of view.

I love my eyelash curler!

Due to never learning anything girlie when I was younger, I never knew much about eyelash curlers. A few years ago, my then friend tried to curl my eyelashes… he was drunk, I believe, and ended up curling my eyeLID instead. OWWW it puffed right up and hurt a lot. That sorta scarred me for eyelash curlers, plus the fact that there is something coming at my eye. I am super squeamish about things near my eyes. (Have you ever had the dream where you just feel a needle coming at your eye? I have! <>) During a makeover the other week, I was re-introduced to the eyelash curler. She showed me how one eye looked curled, and the other uncurled. Wow, what a difference! Just a few seconds of mind over matter about this scary looking contraption near my eye, and my whole eye opens up! Eyes are a very important part of how someone looks… the window to your soul and all that… I was so impressed, I bought one, and have started using it every day. I use the one that the makeover girl reccomended (especially since they did NOT sell it at her store, so she had no stake in the matter). It is shu uemura and you can buy it at Sephora for under $20. That will last you a while, so it's really cheap! Try this simple beauty trick, which I can see the results from even while wearing glasses (and especially of course with contacts).

To all the "real" women from a presumably "fake" one

I've just read probably the bazillionth thing online, celebrating "real" women. According to all of these people, "real" women are plump to fat to obese women with large hips, butts and breasts. This is opposed to the presumably fake (?) women, who are described as starving, dieting skeletons with no curves and a chest like a teenage boy. Um..hmm… well, I do agree with the first part. Those first women are real. It's fine, they can be portrayed in the media, on tv, movies, magazines… I'd love for them to have more clothes that fit. I'm all in support. But what's up with the second part? Do you supposed real women really think that it's nice to imply that the women who don't fit YOUR ideal are fake? I mean, isn't that just what you are accusing others of doing to you? How many times have I heard the figure of a teenage/young boy thing? I'm not a boy… even though I may think like one. Therefore, whatever figure I have is womanly. I actually happen to LIKE small breasts. So all of my fellow women who don't happen to be so well endowed up there, I still think it's hot. Lol. And yah, my butt is small and not big like some people, but don't put me down for it. I'm sure that some skinny women get that way by starving themselves. But most of the people I see on diets are not so skinny. Usually, I see smaller people eating more, and larger people starving themselves. Not all. Some larger women eat healthy and exercise and all that. Some smaller women eat crappily or not at all, and don’t exercise. Whatever, everyone is a real woman. How on earth is it going to help your cause to name-call and put down others, thereby going against your own hypocritical message of acceptance? Not everyone. I know not all people feel this way or say stuff like that. But too many articles and people do. And I know a lot of people reading this are going to say something like 'oh but fatter people are always put down and discriminated against…' well I don’t see how that truth should mean that you want to make others feel bad by doing the same to them. - Written by a real woman who happens to have to be stuck living as a woman so she might as well get the credit for it.

Jekyll & Hyde the Musical

Years and years ago, in college, my parents took us to see Jekyll and Hyde, the musical, in Boston at the beautiful Wang Theatre. Recently, I saw that this was going to be playing here in SF, and I remembered how much I loved the music, so I decided to see it. I have trouble watching plays and movies, since I have a hard time sitting there in those seats and I tend to doze. Dozing off is a waste of money in a movie, but its also rude to the actors in a live play. I decided I'd do it anyway. Friday, after a nice dinner, A and I went to the ft. mason center to see the play, put on by the Royal Underground Theatre Company. It was his first time seeing that one. I usually either really like or really dislike musicals. A good musical song will have the same sort of feeling and texture to it that a good club song has, which is why before I realized there was such thing as house music, I listened to musicals. This was a smallish theatre, so you didn’t get the extreme acoustics you would get in a large theatre like Wang. We sat right near the front, in the 3rd or 4th row, so got a great view of everything. The first part of the play was longer than I'd remembered…it took FOREVER to get to the good part, where Dr. Jekyll becomes Mr. Hyde. That happened a little before intermission, and from that point out, it was good. The second act flew by. The best actors were Jekyll/Hyde and the prostitute, Lucy. The other people did a pretty good job, but I could hear points where they went a little off-key, causing me to wince, the way a dj's bad transition does. Some of the actors didn’t seem to quite fit their character, either. Lucy did a great job, good singing, good acting, and she fit. Jekyll had such a strange face…it lent itself so well to transformation, you could see him becoming Hyde, without any additional props/costumes or anything. He sang well, but was a bit drowned out by the instruments…they had the actors doubling as the band onstage, which caused some sound problems. My favorite song of the whole play was when he was switching from Jekyll to Hyde and back and forth, a very powerful song which could have been a bit louder. Another thing I didn't like, music-wise, was the inclusion of drums into the orchestra…it was even written in the program that they added that because they play the drum, but it ended up giving some of the songs a bad soft-rock edge to them which is not how they were originally written. Overall, I think that everyone did a great job, especially for the price. I love the theme of the play, that everyone has two sides and we can't deny the darker part. The songs written for this musical are very powerful… It did bring to mind, though, a drug addict and his family trying to do an intervention. Lol. We went on the second to last night, so you can't watch this exact one, but should it ever come to your neck of the woods, go check it out! (photo courtesy of http://www.7x7.com/royal-underground-theatre-company)

New Glasses!

I've been needing new glasses for a LONG time. My last ones weren't too good.. I am horrible at picking glasses out, and plus my eyes were dilated when I did it, and my friend at the time I brought to help maybe was slightly blind that day. They ended up not great. I came to realize more and more, how ungreat they were. They didn’t even fit well, and after a while, besides looking ugly, they were uncomfortable, made my head feel like it had to be scrunched up, and still fell off of me if I happened to glance down. Glasses are expensive, and I wanted to make sure that the next time I got some, they actually looked good. Ive been actively searching for a good pair of glasses for over a year now. I remember I was living at not the last place, but the place before. I found some I liked a couple months ago, but they were too pricey. Randomly, I went into the eye doctor with my friend to pick up his contacts, and we started trying on glasses. Both of us needed them, but neither meant to get a pair. We both ended up buying some. Since mine came in a week ago, I've just been LOVING them. Something like a new pair of glasses really does a lot to make you feel happy. On the superficial side, they look much better on me… cute, bold (I didn’t think I was the pink rhinestone glasses type, but I am!), and look like they belong on my face. On the practical side, I can walk around and look down without them falling off. Makes my job a lot easier at work, cuz I can read things and file. My head can relax without trying to make the glasses stay on. It's awesome to not feel embarrased to do an errand with glasses on. I don’t always have to put on contacts when I'm not at work or home. I kinda feel like I have to live up to the flash of them though. Have you ever procrastinated on making a decision, then made it in a split lightening second, randomly, when you finally did?

Bye bye life, blogs, etc.. but at least i have a job...

Every day, I wake up in darkness, get ready for work, make my lunch, and am on my way. Every day, I sit in a cubicle, and try to cram as much work as I can in before the end of the day. When I'm failing, I don’t take my lunch break outside, I just run to the small break room that everyone forgets about, and quickly eat my sandwich there for a few minutes. If that doesn’t work, I might stay a bit later, if I don’t have a gym class after work. Hopefully, I run to the gym afterwards… sometimes a stop to the grocery store after that or not…. And then I'm home, but I'm too tired to do anything. My brain is fried. I don’t want to write. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to do anything. It's late and I'm too tired to cook or order, so if something's there, I eat it or if not, not. I go to sleep, all tired out, so I can wake up in the dark again. What's happened? I've finally become a full-fledged cubicle person. Work is now the most important thing in my life, and I don’t even do anything crucial… I'm boring, and tired… On the weekends I'm still burnt out. Last Saturday I had a hard time even staying awake. That's what happens with cubicle people. I have to repeat the mantra that everyone always repeats… at least I have a job. Everyone at work says that. Everyone I know who works elsewhere and does still work says that. At least we have a job. I was thinking the other day, my priorities need to change. This isnt really a very good life. But I cant think of a way to avoid it, short of importing extra hours into the day. At least the people at work are nice. That's an extra one I can add on. So I'm not really sure how many blogs you'll see. I don’t have the energy to write them at home and usually don't have the time to write them at work (I arrived way early this morning so got a minute). My brain's turned to mush anyways…that’s what happens in cubicle world, we're all zombies. Oh no I have another 40 years left of this… more time than I've been alive! Aah! Hey, at least I have a job! :)

what are they even saying?

Wrote this a while ago...forgot to post it... still true lol.
Don't you hate it when someone tells you something and it goes in one ear and out the other? Someone says "blah blah blah.." and you say ok. And then they're gone and you realize hmm I have no idea what they said. Then you have to try to figure out and be a detective. What would they probably have said?? Usually, if it's something at work, or someone I know, I'm pretty good at figuring out what someone probably asked me to do, or let me know. In a whole conversation, it can take forever to catch up though, and I usually have zoned out too much to do that. Sorry talking people, I don't mean to lose your words! The worst part is, when you find out something later, and say hey, I didn’t know that! And someone goes well yes, i/they said/wrote that to you before, you never know if they did or not. It could definitely be true. A combo of bad memory and poor attention/zoning sure can lead to having no clue what's going on in the world. Oh well, being ditzy is fun!

Better Groomed on the Outside makes me feel Better Groomed on the Inside!

ive gone thru periods on and off in my life where i painted my nails or did not. i usually try to paint my toenails when its warm, but my fingernails, not as much. why? because i am horrible at painting them! back when i was in college, and my cousin was just probably five or six, she was telling me how badly i did my nails, and doing them for me. of course, when SHE did it, they came out nicer. i just dont have the patience. sometimes, i still do it though. now that i moved to noe valley, i tried out a new nail place down the street for a mani/pedi/eyebrow wax. it was great. my nails looked so nice. even my boss noticed (and tons of others too). i just felt so much more finished as a person in my dressing/grooming. i found out that they redo your nailpolish for you for only $5, so every week, ive been going down there for a polish change. and it usually lasts almost a week, or even the full week. im totally addicted to having groomed nails! just came back from my 2nd mani/pedi/eyebrow there and ive definitely decided to do a mani each month and weekly polish changes. its worth it to feel and look more put together. i am absolutely NOT put together, but i can look more that way lol. i already felt excellent whenever i got my eyebrows done, and now i'm adding in the nails. if i look more competent, i can feel more competent. and in a way, i really am, cuz im taking the time to take care of myself the right way! do you paint your nails? have someone do it for you? or just leave them plain? do you notice when someone has nasty nails and eyebrows? lol

AAAHHHH calories!!!

Tuesdays after work, I go to turbo kickboxing/amp'd abs at my gym. I look forward to it while I'm sitting cramped up at my cube… and I rush over to make the 5:30 class, which is early for my work schedule. It's fun! I'm soo uncoordinated, so I laugh at myself. I go with my friend, j, and we laugh at him too, because he's usually the only guy. The instructor is this super hyper loud woman with more energy than the energizer bunny, and awesome abs. she sometimes sings to the songs, and gives us motivational speeches, which I giggle at. This past class though, she was in a super grumpy mood. Near the beginning, she yelled out, youre not doing it right, you’ve got to get into it so you can burn more calories. That’s what we're all here for, right, to burn calories? J and I looked at each other, surprised. No, we weren't. I was there for fun. I like jumping around, making a fool of myself. It's fun to do the kicks and jabs. It feels good to move my body and get the frustration of the day out. Burning calories never came to my mind. The whole rest of the class she got grumpier and grumpier, and mentioned burning calories a billion more times, which made me exasperated, and not have as much fun. Does everyone rule their lives by calories? Last night, I had a baja bacon beef cheeseburger with spicy curly fries in ranch dressing and ketchup and a chocolate milkshake. It was GOOD!!! So yummy! I was in the mood for some meat! Lol. Post that up online as my status, and others worry about the calorie content (if that was you commenting, don’t take it as an attack on you personally). I expected maybe some comment by vegetarians. Nope. Sometimes we have free muffins at work, and once, I was getting one, and a coworker started screaming how I couldn’t eat that, I'm thin it has too many calories, I don’t eat that stuff. I was umm, I do. Leave me alone. Is EVERYONE ruled by calories? RELAX! Take that class because it's fun. Eat that food because you'll enjoy it. Do you realize that now in CA chain restaurants (not just fast food but all), they are required by law to list the calorie content on the menu? Why do I want that staring up at me? I was at Chevys for lunch for a birthday at work, and all I could see were those numbers. Take them off! Stop spoiling everything with this whole counting calories game. It's making me feel paranoid...

Interview with my brother, Doug Lloyd about his movie, Still Green

My brother, doug, makes movies. I'm sure you may have heard me talking about his movie, Still Green, at some point… Of course, I'm super proud that he has been so successful and creative! The upcoming DVD release prompted me to think how I really know very little about the whole movie making process, or how he got into it (beyond a vague recollection of him and his friends burning something in the yard and filming it??) and I decided to interview him about it. Any of you movie buffs may be interested in learning about an up and coming independent movie producer like Doug Lloyd!

Me: So, what made you decide to start working with movies and film?
DL: I started working at a public access TV station as an intern in college. I really enjoyed it, so I stayed there for a while. I met a lot of people doing different projects. My business partner, Georgia Menides, and I met Andrea Ajemian and Jon Artigo. They were in town working on a movie "Freedom Park" and asked Georgia and I to work on it. We did and we loved it.
Me: Cool. But what was your first ever experience with filming something?
DL: My first experience was a show in college called "Midgets and Beer." I had no intentions of moving ahead with working in entertainment. We were just having some fun. I guess it should have been a sign that producing was my calling when I convinced the original "The Blue Man Group" to be on our crappy little college show.
Me: So talk about your work at that public access station in Worcester, MA. What sorts of things did you do, and how did this cenment your idea of making it a career?
DL: I was at the cable station for almost two years, including my internship and being hired as staff. The biggest thing I learned there was that I had an interest in working in entertainment. It was good to meet other people that were looking to create things. Most of the time, I had to work with people from the community that had an idea and turn it into a finished product. Granted, it was still public access, but it was still a good process to learn. The biggest thing that I did there was create a segment for a music show. Georgia and I created the segment together and did everything from shoot the concerts and interviews, editing footage, and setting up more bands. We got really good at putting it together and worked with some big bands and record labels. At the end, the show was playing in a lot more places than Worcester.
Me: So let's talk about your movie, Still Green. How many years did it take to make it from beginning to end?
DL: It has been about five years now. Principal photography was only five weeks. Development took a while. But the biggest part was creating the final edit, learning the distribution ropes, making connections in the industry to get it out there. It has been pretty exciting.
Me: Wow, five years. I never realized how long it took to make movies till I saw you make yours. What were your favorite and least favorite parts of the process?
DL: My favorite is all of it. Every part of the process is so different, and that is what I love. I guess the worst would be raising money.
Me: Was there ever a tiem when you thought you might not get to complete the movie?
DL: There were a few times. The camera got stolen shortly before we finished principal photography. That was the first time I thought everything was just over. But we pulled together and finished it off. Getting distribution was pretty tough too. But in the end, persistence paid off.
Me: Is there anything you would have done differently, looking back?
DL: Looking back, no. I like how things turned out. The next time around, yes. There are so many lessons I learned in the process. Way too many to say. There are things that I will do differently the next time, and I will learn new lessons.
Me: When you're not making movies, what else do you like doing?
DL: Sleeping is good. I like hanging out with friends. I can't wait till after the 13th so I can actually have time to do that again.
Me: Who/what has influenced your work, and what is your favorite movie:
DL: I mainly get influenced by people I interact with. Georgia has a very creative mind, so she is probably the biggest creative influence. My favorite movie changes depending on my mood. I most commonly say Fight Club.
Me: Do you have any plans for future projects? What else can we expect to come out of Uncovered Productions and Doug Lloyd?
DL: I do have plans for future prijects. I have a few different things in the works. We are developing our next feature, "Inside the Butterfly Net, " also written by Georgia Menides.
Me: Final question. What advice would you give to people who are hoping to get into making movies?
DL: My advice, for what it is worth, is just keep working. Especially if you are just starting off. Just work on projects, meet people, get experience. It's pretty straightforward. Work hard, get results.
Me: Thanks Doug! That was a long interview but I can say I, at least, was interested in the answers. See you on Monday!

Intrigued? You can find out more information about the movie, Still Green, at http://www.stillgreenmovie.com/. If you are in the SF area, please come to the DVD release party at the EndUp on Monday, October 12th, or if you're in LA (where Doug lives!), you can go to the party there on the 13th. Details are at the website. Feel free to rent/buy it from Netflix, Blockbuster, Amazon and more!

the government should not be regulating what we put into our bodies: fees for soda in SF

The other day, I saw that our mayor wants to charge a fee on soda sales. He's doing this because studies show that people drink too much soda can become fat. Well, I don’t drink soda, and I'm not fat, so why did this article even register my attention? Because I don’t think it's right… I understand that san francisco, and all of california, is poor. We need income. Our state is really in need of income. So, from that stand point, I can see why we might want to raise $ by putting fees on something most people use. But its really none of SF's business if soda is healthy or unhealthy for us. I don’t like soda, and I don’t drink it, but I like the fact that if I want to, I can. Why should the mayor tell me that if I want to drink it, I should pay a fee for being unhealthy? Sometimes I like being unhealthy. They even say that later on, this may expand to other sugary snacks. I do eat cookies, and things like that. I don’t want to pay a fee. It's not making me fat, and even if it was, who cares? I don’t really mind being taxed because we need $ to fund our government and important programs, education, etc, but please don’t tax me because you want to play at being my parents. Because they let me drink all the soda I want.

If I were a guy, would i be a slut?

I've been here, watching san francisco get ready for folsom fair, and this, along with the billion other events that are always happening, made me wonder: if I were a guy, would I be a slut? Hmm… if I had started out as a baby as a little boy and grew up, who knows? Id probably be quite different as a person, due to different experiences. But, what if I woke up tomorrow morning, and saw that I was a man? (freaky Friday only that I didn’t switch bodies with anyone). Well, id probably think I'd finally gone crazy lol. But once I figured out that it was real… I'd go pee. Lol. Hey, what woman doesn’t want to experience peeing standing up? I could next become famous, but since I don’t want to be subjected to tons of science experiements by the government, I'd become a slut. Sf is the perfect place to do this. I wouldn’t stop at one gender or the other… in my excitement of being a man, id probably have sex with as many women and men as I could. No, I'm not saying that bi people are sluts, or that I would even be bi, I'd just want to try things out. Get it out of my system! Do you think it's easier for men to be sluts than women? What would be the first things you'd do if you woke up and found you were the opposite gender? I think its somewhat easier for guys to be sluts… also that id just find more opportunities as a man than I do now as a woman. So readers, please discuss.

Pope Joan and Having to be a Woman

We all know I love to read…and I also love historical fiction. I realize that it is just that, fiction, but I don’t always need to know the exact dates, etc… in fact, putting history into a story lets me absorb it more. So recently, I picked up a book called Pope Joan by Donna Woolfolk Cross. I spent the entire novel wondering…is this real?? It follows the story of a girl back in the 800s, when few people at all read or learned much, and especially not women. Joan happened to be born to a mysogenist father, but was super smart, and through a series of happenings, became educated. She ended up living as a man and becoming a monk, priest, and then pope. Back then, becoming clergy was one great way to get some learning into you. If you wanted to study, you became a monk/priest. And yes, for about two years, she was POPE! Joan was found out when she got pregnant, and miscarried in front of everyone in the street during a papal procession (ooh how embarrasing). She then died/was killed. Did this really happen?? Women cant even be catholic priests, that I know of, now, and a woman actually made it to pope?? Intrigued, I did a little online research. Turns out, this was a legend that was accepted as fact for a few hundred years. Now, the Church says it wasn't so, but there are some clues that it may have been true. Even if it wasn't, it is pretty accepted that women did dress and live as men, and become priests and take on other male roles. This got me thinking about nowadays. Even with all the improvements in life for women, and life overall, every single day I wish I had been born a man and not a woman. In the book, there are crucial times where Joan could have switched back to a woman. Each time she thought, well I've lived this long as a man, am I able to live again as a woman? Even as a girl, she didn't like playing the girl games, didn’t get along with the other women, wasn’t good at the stuff they did/liked. This really spoke to me. She didn’t hate women, and neither do I, but she wasn’t the same as them. I wouldn’t go as far as she did and look like/live as a man… I like looking cute, and since I'm female, that means looking like myself. But how many billion times have I thought if only I could pass… since I was in preschool when I didn’t want to be a nurse with the rest of the girls, but a doctor, and I protested when the school pageant had a tribute to only the dads with the boys singing hi-ho its off to work we go. I'm not a feminist at all but people like joan and me should not have to hate being a woman. I don’t hate every single part of it. But I do envy pope joan and her manly life. All the times I feel denied what I want to do or should or shouldn’t like because of my femaleness, all the times I don’t fit in.. at least I feel a sense of sameness with women who struggle with the same thing for hundreds, and I'm sure, thousands of years. This is a great book, give it a read.

my new hair

Have you ever seen on america's next top model, when they have the makeovers, and they get their hair cut, dyed, etc, and you're all ooh I wish I could have that done to ME!?! And inevitably at least one girl throws a fit about losing her hair and shes gonna look horrible blah blah and you think ewww what an ungrateful girl… well my hair was super long and unruly and I was past time for a haircut. I found time to go on Saturday afternoon… I was getting bored of my hairstyle… I wasn’t planning on probably changing it… I got there and asked selida, my stylist, well you cant think of anything probably I could do with this hair, could you? You want to change your hair? Maybe… if there was anything kool… shes been cutting my hair for a bit now, so she knows, I have too much of it, its thick. She said, how about an a-line? Umm I had NO idea what an a-line was. But I thought back and how my friend was telling me, your hair is boring, you shoud get an a-line. Two people cant be wrong, so I said - SURE! As selida cut, I felt like those girls on the show. She cut and cut and the back of my hair felt short and close to my head. Ohno! My hair's getting short! Will I look like a boy? Just cuz I think like a guy so much doesn’t mean I want to look like one… what is she doing?? Eek! Yup I was almost freaking out in my head. Just like those girls. Happily, there was no crying or tantrums involved, and by the time she'd finished, and blew it dry and straightened it, it did look kool. Its short but its not THAT short. I guess I like an a-line. I just need to figure out how to style it… yay I like change!

New blog i've been reading: A Merry Life

Lately I've been reading a blog called A Merry Life. It's written by a girl named Mary (not merri(y) like me it should say a mary life lol) who I met on twitter. Whenever I am in a down mood, I read her blog. She is a really energizing, upbeat person, who is taking charge of her life, and it makes me feel good to read her blog. :) I'm not the only one who thinks so, cuz a bunch of people always comment her. She also manages to update almost every day…unlike me… so if you're in need of some reading material, check it out, and learn about her world.

And...check out everything on my links on the side of my page...they're all great!

Moving 2009 Part 2: I'm a Noe Valley Girl!

The past couple of weeks, ive not even really had time to write blogs. Uggg I need to. I left off that I found a new place to live. In the past couple of weeks, I actually moved! It was soo hectic. The packing, the oh no what are we gonna do with all this trash, the aahh of everything!! Friday morning, bright and early, those movers were there to get our stuff… our plastic garbage bag packing job wasn't appreciated, so they put everything into their cardboard boxes. I got to ride with the mover guys and within 3 + hrs we were unpacked at the new place. Yay!! That was such a hot day but with little rest, I had to dash to work. The next few days was taken up by moving last little things, figuring out how to get rid of the volumes of trash we had accumulated, and supervising some cleaning guys for the final cleaning on the old house (they were kind of rude, only wanted to talk to my roommate, who wasn’t there, I was. Maybe they didn’t like dealing with women). It was such a wonderful feeling to leave the key to the old house, and ride the old yucky bus one last time. Since then, I did a lot of unpacking, and I'm still in the process of doing a lot of shopping and organizing. Also a lot of exploring, and taste testing in the new neighborhood. Noe valley is AWESOME! I just love it! I wasn’t sure I was, because of the high family quotient, but I do. So theres bratty kids sometimes, and tons of strollers, so what. Everyone is sooo friendly! We have a super cute farmers market every Saturday morning, we have neighborly type shops and stores, we have tons of delicious restaurants, and cute places to shop in! people are happy as they walk around, and even people in the stores say hi! My convenience store guy even introduced himself to me (eddie)! Is that kool or what? I feel like I fit in well, despite my singledom and childlessness. Noe valley is more known for couples, and especially families, but cooler ones. And a ten minutes walk and I'm in castro, which is of course lively, and has 24 hr grocery and drugstores. I want to make this apartment a real home, so I've been spending time organizing and buying things for my room. I have a new bureau (dresser), a cute new floor lamp, and more! No more throw everything everywhere. I could see myself sipping on a cool drink (a'la nancy botwin), writing on my laptop in a shop with my little dog to keep me company… of course, I have no dog, or laptop, and I have to work… but whatever. I'm definitely turning into a noe valley girl, I was thinking this past Sunday as I brunched with my best friend/roomie on an outside patio, after having indulged in a mani/pedi. I used to feel trapped and closed in as I headed home, now I just feel yay. This is going to be a good move. This is going to be a good year. Now, if I could only meet some of my neighbors...

For more photos of the move and my neighborhood, go here.

The Bitch Says: Stop Being So Jaded! Not everyone's out to get you.

I have a reputation for being a bitch, which is only partially deserved. I believe that this comes from other people's jadedness. 90% of the time that I get blamed for being one, that wasn't my intention. I'm there, thinking I'm doing something nice, friendly, helpful, or sometimes just neutral, and the other person's mind searches for the worst conclusions. More than half the times, the evil ulterior motives I get assigned are nothing that even occurred to me until mentioned. I can have a conversation that I think is nice. Exchange pleasantries with someone, we both smile, chat, are courteous, and they come away thinking wow that bitch, while I think either oh theyre nice, or nothing at all. I could see someone drop something and pick it up and give it to them and they think automatically maybe I want something in return. I swear, people just go way left field, digging into the depths of credulousness to think of ways that I am being rude, mean, bitchy, manipulative, etc when all that's in my mind is either good intentions or maybe a cloud of nothingness towards them, thinking about something else entirely. A smile and nod of recognition turns in someone else's head to a silent curse and swear. A gift has to have a bomb in it. A favor has to have a catch. An innocent remark turns in someone else's mind to an accusation. I'm not saying I'm an angel. Sometimes, I am a bitch. Sometimes, I don’t like you. Sometimes I'm mean. I have a bad temper, and I can use it. No one's prefect. But my mind isn't as scary as some other people's around here. If you say something nice to me, I'm happy. I take it at face value. If you seem to like me, or are polite, I believe it. I don't imagine you are plotting my demise. If I have a problem with you, I'll go up to you and voice it. If you are walking around, thinking that the world is out to get you, it probably isn't. unless you're some high powered person, or secret agent or who knows what. Chances are, you're a regular person reading this, and most people either don't care, or wish you well. Once a day try to think of happy thoughts. Clear your mind of the excess suspicion that is rotting it. Please, for everyone's sakes! It's impractical to trust everyone but leave a little room in your mind for the possiblity of human goodness in others. Before its too late for everyone. PS, if anyone is certain i hate you or am horribly mean to you, talk to me. it may be true. but it probably isnt. :) have a AWESOME WONDERFUL GLORIOUS STUPENDOUS day!

Moving 2009 Part 1: Finding an apartment

Finding an apartment in San Francisco is SUPER stressful. One really dumb thing about the apartment market, is that most places don't post up about their openings until the month before. So if you want to be proactive and start looking maybe 2 months early, you can't. Add to that the picky landlords and the high rent prices, and it's almost impossible. Almost. Frantic craiglist searching. One roomie looking at places that weren't good at all, both roomies going to places there were either too run down yet expensive, or just too expensive anyway. All the time, it was getting later and later, since it was august before we could even start looking. I was doing my part, combing through the CL ads. Midway through the month, I saw a place…it was tiny but a good location… we almost got it anyway, but I happened upon a craigslist ad that had JUST posted. One roomie called and we got an appointment. We walked in and saw the place and the building manager gave it to us! There were three units open and we were the third people, so he was just giving them away on a first come, first serve basis. And that's how you find a place in SF. Just randomly happen to be in the right place at the right time. Last Friday I signed the lease and went out to Mi Lindo Yuccatan to celebrate… yummy mayan food in our new neighborhood. We live in Noe Valley, on the edge of Castro. Ten minutes walk and we're over to bustling castro, where you can shop 24 hrs at the grocery stores or walgreens, but our area is a little quieter and family oriented. Still, the main noe valley street is just a minute's walk away, with tons of shops and restaurants and its so cute! I do have to say though, its pure luck if you're trying to rent an apartment. I wish I never had to do it. Hopefully I'm safe now for a yr or so.